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Monica Nastase's avatar

Rebecca, I just discovered you and I love the topics you write about! I'm also fascinated by linguistics and communicating in different languages, as a writer and multilingual myself. Look forward to reading more from you! 😊

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Rebecca EH's avatar

Wow, so great to connect with you! I just subscribed :)

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Terry Freedman's avatar

Really interesting. I have come across a couple of people who, if I've understood correctly, flouted Maxim #1. In each case I made the mistake, at a conference, of asking "And what do you do?", expecting a sort of one minute elevator pitch to which I could respond in kind. In case 1 he said "We deliver..." followed by 10 minutes of corporate drivel that employed the royal 'we' all the way through. In case 2, same scenario, the person went on for the entire tea break and even continued his lecture after I'd pointed out that there had just been an announcement that the conference was about to resume. I think there is an implicit assumption in such situations, or should be, that there will be an exchange of information, not a one-sided sales pitch.

I think I see Maxim #3 in some podcasts, where the hosts spend so long bantering and asking about each other's cats that I start to think "How is this relevant to the topic being advertised?". I suppose the banter is there to make the listener feel at ease and that the hosts are just regular guys, but it always comes across to me as self-important, indulgent, time-wasting, narcissistic cr*p. So I wondered, is there a maxim of moderation in such situations?

It seems to me that in both of the cases I've cited, and all four of your examples, that the person breaking the rule is doing so because they're only concerned with themselves. Even the person who gives too much information about post offices sounds to me like they're doing so to make themselves look important.

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Lou's avatar

It's interesting how these rules feel natural until you're learning a language... Suddenly, you get confused about an answer - why is it so short/long? Did they misunderstand me? Is this on purpose? Is this sarcasm? I sometimes feel like a robot trying to understand humans when our culture's are very different 😁

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M. E. Rothwell's avatar

I may have been known to flout the maxim to end a conversation or two 😅😅😅 I’m a bit of a mumbler so sometimes I lean into it (especially in a loud venue like a party) to end an interaction 😬😬 am I a bad person

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Shea Co's avatar

Thoroughly enjoyed this!

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Rebecca Holden's avatar

Fascinating as always, Rebecca!

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Jessica Ruelle's avatar

Ah if only more people were to learn these rules, it would make my introvert self so much more at ease with effective, authentic and heart-centered communication (vs. ego-centered). I’m not sure I agree with the idea that if people indulge in speaking in monologues it’s to « look interesting » more than the fact that they crave attention and validation. Or they make sense of what they are saying as they hear themselves speak vs. having thought about it beforehand. I mean, everyone’s different. We can always extend grace and compassion, and also express boundaries by kindly interrupting the long speeches when we’ve had enough :)

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Myke Wilder's avatar

All of the maxims hold true, regardless of your audience, although some can become more important. For example, maxim #1 becomes much more important when your audience is either deaf/hard-of-hearing or is communicating in their second language. In both cases, maxim #1 becomes much more important as both of those audiences require very straightforward context for the conversation. These audiences often do not hear or recognize all of the words in the speech they are listening to and depend on context to help them fill in the blanks. As well, flouting the maxims is particularly inappropriate for conversation with second-language speakers as the conventions implicated tend to be cultural references that do register with people from other cultures. My own maxim is "Speak to be understood."

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